· October 24, 2013
I honestly just don’t feel like doing anything anymore.
Between my boyfriend and I drifting apart and never hanging out and no foreseeable solution to keep us together and then the shit that school just threw at me today… I just don’t want to do it.
I wish that my mom wasn’t napping so that I could call her and cry and not feel bad about being upset over what happened today. Four years in college and I still don’t get to graduate until next fucking December. I need to take fifteen credits next semester and then at least thirteen credits the semester after that. Or vice versa. Which is bullshit, because the only class I can take that will get me to thirteen credits is a fucking science class and I really, really do not want to do that.
I thought that I was on track with my credits and classes and everything, but no. My advisor failed to tell me, all the times that I went in to talk to him about my scheduling and whether or not I was on track, that I was not, in fact, on track. I’m so frustrated and upset. And it doesn’t help that I’ve been kind of stressed out over the fact that Weston and I don’t spend any time together any more and we’re more or less just roommates that have sex sometimes and get told “I love you” every now and again rather than in an actual relationship.
I feel horrible about it. Because I just ruined Weston’s plans to go to Canada next August and, if we go, we’ll either have to move to a place that has a rare six month lease, or we’ll have to renew this lease and move in August 2015. If we’re even still together at that point… Things are looking grimmer and grimmer on that respect and I have no idea what the fuck to do about any of it. I just…feel so lost right now. Because everything that I was hoping for has just crumbled before me and I don’t know what to do about it.
I mean, honestly, another semester is not that big a deal. But it means that I don’t get to see any of my family for another year and that sucks for me because I really do miss them terribly. I mean…fuck. At this point, I don’t want to do anything right now. I don’t know. I’m just so frustrated because I thought that I was going to be able to be done with school and not have to stress out or worry about it anymore, but no.
And, to top it off, I think I may have maxed out the amount of student loans I can take out. So I don’t even know if I can get financial aid to go for a single fucking semester next year…
Ugh. Fuck it. I don’t care anymore…